7 in 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way including their looks, performance in school and relationship with friends and family members. US Statistics
Family Patterns of Low Self-Esteem
Children’s self-esteem suffers in the Western World, because many fathers and mothers lack the skills or take the time to tell their children they love them. In contrast in the Tibetan society, according to the Dalai Lama, with extended families children feel loved. Thus, Tibetan children have no issue with low self-esteem.
When we as adults have little capacity to love ourselves then we feel reluctant to express love to others, including our children.
The lack of loving self and being able to express love to others goes back generations in both my father and mother’s lineage. My father drank all the time probably because he felt awful about himself. I have no idea how he felt for he never spoke about anything personal or showed any interest in talking to me. I suspect my father suffered from very low self-esteem.
My mother’s mother died before her teen years. She took over being the mother for the family and received no praise from her autocratic father. All she knew was hard work. Again I suspect my mother also suffered from low self-esteem.
Mirrors of Self-Esteem
I grew up thinking I was the “lowest man on the totem pole.” I took on my father’s low self-esteem and shame as my own without knowing it. In later relationships I feared expressing any feelings, including love. At one point I believed I had no capacity to love.
Through my life long drive for self-improvement I gained self-esteem, over time, through developing my creative abilities and strengths. I broke the generational pattern of my family’s low self-esteem.
Do you want to improve your self-esteem and overcome your family’s patterns?
My life experiences show relationships mirror back to us our internal emotional wounds, including our level of self-esteem. We can use these mirrors for healing our wounds. You can use these mirrors to learn how to love yourself more and increase your self esteem.
Building Higher Self-Esteem
Notice the first thought or feeling that comes up. For most of us it will be a critical thought like I am not good enough or some form of judgment or lack of belief.
I have taught self-esteem groups to teenage girls for many years. Most doubt they are good enough to be loved. Some feel very uncomfortable looking deep into their eyes into their inner essence in a physical mirror and telling themselves, I love you.
Do you want to bring your judgmental thoughts that sabotage your loving yourself to the surface of your awareness? Do the “mirror exercise” saying I love you. Look deep into you eyes into your core essence. Just notice your thoughts and feelings.
Do the self-esteem mirror exercise for 21 days in a row without missing a day. Do it 2-3 times a day. If you miss a day, start over again. It takes 21 days to form a new habit.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Michael David Lawrience is the author of Emotional Health: The Secret from Drama, Trauma, and Pain His book provides ways for improving emotional health, easing pain and stress, healing physical and emotional abuse, and spiritual awakening. See book on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Health-Secret-Freedom-Trauma-ebook/dp/B004CLYO00
Michael as a previous Residential and Self-Esteem Coach and Mentor has over 15 years’ experience teaching teen’s self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-reliance. See eBook Self Esteem- A Teen’s Guide for Girls This book is valuable for women also. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B009L4JLMO
Michael offers Bowen Therapy in person in Sedona, Arizona for easing physical and emotional pain. https://www.emotionalhealthtips.com/bowen-therapy-sedona/
Michael also conducts personalized hiking tours in Sedona for emotional and spiritual breakthroughs.