How Can Codependency Recovery Reduce Your Suffering?

Codependency Behaviors

I believed I developed codependency behaviors to cope with my fathers drinking, which resulted in constant fighting between my father and mother for twenty years until they divorced. I never felt safe to express my thoughts and feelings so I retreated inward and became invisible, the lost child. I wore a stoic stone face as a mask as if I were okay. My heart also became as numb as a stone.

It has been said that a persona with codependency has a compulsive need to control an otherwise out of control life. This may be true as I experienced an out of control family life because of the unpredictability of my father’s drinking and anger outbursts. I took control by withdrawing and numbing all my feelings. I hid my thoughts even from my mother who assumed I was okay because I never expressed anything.

I always felt ashamed of my family and my father’s drinking. I felt so bad I didn’t even want to have the family name. I also identified with two other boys’ at school who also had alcoholic fathers.

As an adult, my relationships involved codependency behaviors, which I remained unaware of until my early 40’s. In these relationships, I avoided expressing any feelings for fear of rejection. The women in my life criticized me for lack of feeling. I felt like something was wrong with me. I questioned if I even had the capacity to love.

In addition, I tended to take care of my partners financial needs even though they were not my responsibility. I had poor boundaries as I had no idea where my personal boundaries ended and other persons began. Finally, I maintained silence when conflict arose for up to a week until one of my partners said, “We need to talk.”

Codependency Recovery

I began my codependency recovery in the late 80’s when my partner mentioned seeing a therapist for healing her inner child. I read John Bradshaw, Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child and Melody Beattie, Codependent No More.

I recognized my codependency and for the next twenty years had less and less codependency behavior. Like other addictions you may be in codependency recovery for the rest of your life. I, however, am no longer codependent.

I can see codependency as an addiction because I relied on my female partners to feel for me rather than knowing and expressing my own feelings. Codependents crave and expect a temporary boost of their self-esteem when they take care of some need for their partner. Like any addiction the outer boost only lasts for a short time and then the codependent looks for another fix.

I now love myself, I accept others as they are, I am in touch with and express my feelings, I validate myself rather than searching out side myself for a relationship to feel okay, and I trust trustworthy people. Most important, I am in a relationship, which allows me to grow into all I am capable of being.

Read Also Codependency https://www.emotionalhealthtips.com/codependency-symptoms/

https://www.emotionalhealthtips.com/self-esteem-2/

Empaths https://www.emotionalhealthtips.com/empaths/

BOOKS

Michael David Lawrience is the author of Emotional Health: The Secret from Drama, Trauma, and Pain His book provides ways to improve emotional health, ease pain, and stress, heal physical and emotional abuse, and spiritual awakening. See the book on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Health-Secret-Freedom-Trauma/dp/0615479170

Michael as a Residential and Self-Esteem Coach and Mentor has over 15 years of experience teaching teens self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-reliance. See eBook Self Esteem- A Teen’s Guide for Girls https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Teens-Guide-Michael-Lawrience-ebook/dp/B009L4JLMO. 

NEW BOOK 

“A Better Life Through Spiritual Growth and Higher Consciousness.”

A Better Life Through Spiritual Growth and Higher Consciousness

Softcover book https://www.amazon.com/Better-Through-Spiritual-Growth-Consciousness/dp/B0DNSF9DFB

EBOOK https://www.amazon.com/Better-Through-Spiritual-Growth-Consciousness-ebook/dp/B0DNQ9VBB8

I wrote this book as a legacy of my inner emotional and spiritual journey of self-growth. I teach people how to heal trauma and transform consciousness.

FREE eBook KINDLE COPY

If you want a copy, send me your email. I will send it as a gift I would appreciate a review.

What did you find helpful?  Do you have any suggestions for what you would like in future newsletters? I will do a monthly at the beginning of each month

COMMENTS:

What did you find helpful?  Do you have any suggestions for what you would like in future newsletters?

Do you have suggestions to improve the articles?

FREE eBook KINDLE COPY

If you want a copy, send me your email. I will send it as a gift.

[subscribe2]