Overcoming Codependency

  Dysfunctional families are the product of an emotionally dishonest, shame based, patriarchal society based upon beliefs that do not support loving self. Robert Burney How do you restore dysfunctional-family-roles? A dysfunctional family kills loving ourselves so out of a need for survival self-esteem suffers a major beating. Did this happen in your family or a family you know? The following shows how I and four younger brothers and sisters survived in our family. To review the main six roles in a dysfunctional family exist of addict, caretaker, hero, clown, scapegoat, and lost child. Read my previous article Top 6 Dysfunctional Family Roles Affecting Our Self-Esteem for more detail on the roles. I cite my family to give you an opportunity to relate to your own family. At about the age of ten, I took on the role of Hero. In other words, I took the place of my alcoholic father, the Addict, with the unconscious intent of protecting my mother from his violence. During my teen years driven by sense of inadequacy I strived to be the best student I could be.

Without knowing, in our families we wanted to maintain balance of some kind. We unconsciously adopted certain dysfunctional family roles created by rules such as “don’t talk about the family problems.” The dysfunctional family roles we took on tended to be unhealthy because of alcohol or drug addiction, physical or sexual abuse, or extreme aggression by a parent. We fell into these roles as a way to reduce stress and emotional pain. As a result our self-esteem – our degree of confidence in ourselves suffered. As children, we may have believed we caused the problems. We choose our different roles to survive the best way we know how. What role or roles did you assume in your family? We can take on different roles at different times. Did your roles in your family affect your self-esteem?