Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. Stephen R. Covey, author The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
When a teenage girl or a woman has been validated (listened to actively) over and over again over a period of years, I believe she will be less vulnerable and subject to physical, emotional and mental violence and violation. She will be less likely to enter into or stay in abusive relationships because of her higher self-esteem; the gift you as a father or man have given her from your caring and love to keep her safe and secure.
Communicate With Your Teenage Daughters and Women
Men Stopping Violence
What training do you have that enables you to really listen and understand another person?
Like most of us you probably have little or no communication training. You want to stress your point. Did you know 80% of communication lies in nonverbal cues, 15% in tone, and only 5% lies in the actual words? Do you focus only on the words and miss the meaning completely?
Do you listen with the intent on what you will say back? Do you filter everything you hear though your own life experiences and want to share them? For example, I had a similar thing happen to me.
Men Do You Tend to Communicate By:
1. Agreeing or disagreeing
2. Asking probing questions – interrogating
3. Giving advice or wanting to fix the problem
4. Talking about your own experiences
If you listen and communicate with the any of the above responses, you probably experience communication difficulties. If you have a daughter(s), communication usually decreases even more as your daughter becomes a teenager.
1. Your daughter wants to spend more time alone in her room or with her friends.
2. She gets upset when you explain or give her advice.
3. She gives you a blank stare.
4. She goes out/sneaks out and lies about her activities.
On the other hand, your daughter may say:
Why do you ask me so many questions about what I am doing?
You only talk to me when I do something wrong.
You’re always lecturing me?
You’re always telling me what I should do.
How do we understand a rebellious teenage daughter, a wife or women in general when they only want to express their feelings rather than us fixing them? Remember seek first to understand. So how do we as men learn to understand?
Everyone wants to be validated. They want their experiences and feelings confirmed and supported. They want to know that you as a man or father see and feel them. They want to know that you affirm them at the deepest level of their being; you really get who they are with all their joy, pain, flaws and strengths.
See also Men Stopping Violence: Communicate with Your Daughters & Women Part 4 https://www.emotionalhealthtips.com/2015/01/15/men-stopping-violence-4
See also Men Stopping Violence: Communicate with Your Daughters & Women Part 5 https://www.emotionalhealthtips.com/2015/01/16/men-stopping-violence-5
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Michael David Lawrience is the author of Emotional Health: The Secret from Drama, Trauma, and Pain His book provides ways for improving emotional health, easing pain and stress, healing physical and emotional abuse, and spiritual awakening. See book on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Health-Secret-Freedom-Trauma-ebook/dp/B004CLYO00
Michael as a previous Residential and Self-Esteem Coach and Mentor has over 15 years’ experience teaching teen’s self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-reliance. See eBook Self Esteem- A Teen’s Guide for Girls This book is valuable for women also. https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Teens-Guide-Michael-Lawrience-ebook/dp/B009L4JLMO
Michael offers Bowen Therapy in person in Sedona, Arizona for easing physical and emotional pain. See http://emotionalhealthtips.com/bowen-therapy
Michael also conducts personalized hiking tours in Sedona for emotional and spiritual breakthroughs. http://www.sedonamysticaltours.com/company/michael-david-lawrience/