I am a white male born in Canada and now living in the United States for half of my life. I only recognized my codependent behavior 2/3’s of the way through life. Codependency had been running and ruining my life for all that time without me knowing. It took another 20 years overcoming codependent behavior.
Although I have visited India two times for spiritual development, I have little understanding of how codependent behavior affects Indian men or women. I apologize for this; however, the areas of codependency remain the same regardless of our culture. Therefore take what I say and apply it to your situation where you can. I am lead, however, to understand that some Indian men have behavior described as the “Mama’s Boy.” I will talk about that later.
I now give you a brief summary of my personal challenge with codependent behavior.
It has taken me many years of learning how to develop my inner masculine strength to stand in the truth of who I am while in relationship with women. My pattern, until my relationship with my present wife, Lyn, has been a fear of judgment and being hurt for revealing my thoughts and feelings. My fear kept me prisoner to codependency. When my partner felt good, I felt good. When she expressed unhappiness, I fell into a pit of misery. Sometimes the woman became the persecutor berating me for lack of communication and I went into feeling victimized. My mate, however, became just as victimized by the persecution of my icy unloving silence.
It has taken seeing my emotional patterns and a great deal of inner work to release these subconscious archetypes of past emotional pain. It has taken listening to my intuition; letting go of control and trusting. It has taken courage to go beyond my childhood experiences of feeling unloved and the trauma of an alcoholic father.
Codependency creates much suffering in relationships. I believe from teaching about codependency to groups for a number of years that over 90 % of American families have some degree of codependency, from mild to severe. It could be different in India; however, I am unfamiliar with any studies. The questions still are: Are you or have you been codependent? Can you recognize the behaviors of codependency in your boyfriend or husband?
As Pia Mellody, Facing Codependency says, The heart and soul of codependence lies in the difficulty codependents have knowing what their feelings are and how to share them.
Pia Mellody in her book, Facing Codependency, talks about different types of boundaries – energy fields around us to keep people from coming into our personal space. People who have been abused may use walls instead of healthy boundaries, walls of fear, anger, silence, or words for a feeling of safety and they can switch from one type of wall to another to remain invulnerable. They (walls) do not allow for intimacy . . . . A wall can be appropriate, however, when a person needs protection from someone who is abusing them, says Pia.
Codependence counselor, Robert Burney says, Codependency . . . to be emotionally anorexic. Not having our emotional needs met in childhood sets us up for the behavior patterns that cause our adult emotional needs to go unmet . . . reflections of our Spiritual wound . . . that deep empty longing can only be filled spiritually, by reconnecting with our Source.
The above quotes describe the essence of codependency related to feelings, needs, and boundaries.
I will list the five main areas of codependent behavior as well as the “Mama’s Boy” concept in Codependent Behavior: Is It Ruining Your Life 2? This will assist you in understanding codependency recovery. https://www.emotionalhealthtips.com/2011/06/09/codependency-treatment
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Michael David Lawrience is the author of Emotional Health: The Secret from Drama, Trauma, and Pain His book provides ways for improving emotional health, easing pain and stress, healing physical and emotional abuse and suffering, and spiritual awakening. See book on AmazonEmotional Health: The Secret from Drama, Trauma, and Pain
Michael as a Residential and Self-Esteem Coach and Mentor has over 15 years’ experience teaching teen’s self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-reliance. See eBook See eBook Self Esteem- A Teen’s Guide for Girls http://ow.ly/I9QjY This book is valuable for women also.
Michael offers Bowen Therapy in person in Sedona, Arizona for easing physical and emotional pain. See http://emotionalhealthtips.com/bowen-therapy
Michael also conducts personalized hiking tours in Sedona for emotional and spiritual breakthroughs. https://www.sedonamysticaltours.com/company/michael-david-lawrience/