Anyone who’s made the choice to forgive an abuser has probably experienced other people trying to impose their emotions on them. It may seem innocent to hear someone say, “What he did was wrong and you have every right to hate him.” I’ve heard several comments like that. Trust me, they are not innocent.
A lot of people have anger and resentments that they cling to as part of their identity. They wear their wounds on their sleeve to gain sympathetic support and use them to justify all kinds of behavior. That’s their choice and part of their path. Its not a healthy place to be, but it was part of my path at one point, too.
When we’re ready to heal, no matter what it takes, we take responsibility for our experiences. Other people may have done things that were hurtful, but we chose to be there in the first place. We co-created the relationship. The last thing we need is someone telling us that blame, anger, and resentment are our right. That’s giving all our power away all over again.
Other people don’t have control over our emotions unless we give it to them. They are entitled to their opinion, but we don’t have to let them impose it on us. If someone is projecting their own anger or resentment on you, telling you how you should feel, simply tell them that you don’t feel that way. It’s not your choice to be a victim of anyone or to be tied to your past. Let them have their emotions, but don’t give up your healing progress for the sake of justification or sympathetic support.
by Jacqueline Stone Recovering from Abuse
Michael David Lawrience is the author of Emotional Health: The Secret from Drama, Trauma, and Pain His book provides ways for improving emotional health, easing pain and stress, healing physical and emotional abuse and suffering, and spiritual awakening.
Michael as a Residential and Self-Esteem Coach and Mentor has over 15 years’ experience teaching teen’s self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-reliance. See eBook See eBook Self Esteem- A Teen’s Guide for Girls http://ow.ly/I9QjY This book is valuable for women also.
Michael offers Bowen Therapy in person in Sedona, Arizona for easing physical and emotional pain. See http://emotionalhealthtips.com/bowen-therapy
Michael also conducts personalized hiking tours in Sedona for emotional and spiritual breakthroughs. https://www.emotionalhealthtips.com/sedona-healing-spiritual-hiking