7 in 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way including their looks, performance in school and relationship with friends and family members. US Statistics
In the Western World fathers and mothers lack the skills or time to tell their children they love them. In contrast in the Tibetan society, according to the Dalai Lama, with extended families children feel loved. Thus, Tibetan children have no issue with low self esteem.
When we as adults have little capacity to love ourselves then we feel reluctant to express love to others, including our children.
The lack of loving self and being able to express love to others goes back generations in both my father and mother’s lineage. My father drank all the time probably because he felt awful about himself. I have no idea how he felt for he never spoke about anything personal or showed any interest in talking to me.
My mother’s mother died before her teen years. She took over being the mother for the family and received no praise from her autocratic father. All she knew was hard work.
I grew up thinking I was the “lowest man on the totem pole.” I took on my father’s low self esteem and shame as my own without knowing it. In later relationships I feared expressing any feelings, including love. At one point I believed I had no capacity to love.
Through my life long drive for self-improvement I gained self-esteem, over time, through developing my creative abilities and strengths. I broke the generational pattern of my family’s low self-esteem.
Do you want to improve your self esteem and overcome your family’s patterns?
My life experiences show relationships mirror back to us our internal emotional wounds, including our level of self-esteem. We can use these mirrors for healing our wounds. You can use these mirrors to learn how to love yourself more and increase your self esteem.
Looking with awareness in an actual physical mirror shows us how much we love ourselves. Test this by looking into a mirror at home and saying, I love you. How much do you believe it?
Notice the first thought or feeling that comes up. For most of us it will be a critical thought like I am not good enough or some form of judgment or lack of belief.
I have taught self-esteem groups to teenage girls for many years. Most doubt they are good enough to be loved. Some feel very uncomfortable looking deep into their eyes into their inner essence in a physical mirror and telling themselves, I love you.
Do you want to bring your judgmental thoughts that sabotage your loving yourself to the surface of your awareness? Do the “mirror exercise” saying I love you. Look deep into you eyes into your core essence. Just notice your thoughts and feelings.
Do the self esteem mirror exercise for 21 days in a row without missing a day. Do it 2-3 times a day. If you miss a day, start over again. It takes 21 days to form a new habit.
Michael David Lawrience is giving away free 50-pages of his book, The Secret for Freedom from Drama, Trauma, & Pain. His complete book gives more ways to improve your emotional health, chronic pain management, emotional healing, stress release, and strengthen self-esteem.
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