Self-Interview Part 4 with Michael David Lawrience, author of “The Secret for Freedom from Drama, Trauma, and Pain.”
Q:How Do We Heal Our Emotional Pain?
A: In our Western society, we have been brought up to avoid our feelings. Feelings mean pain. I even see women, who tend to be more in touch with their feelings, habitually push them away when they arise.
We feel vulnerable among other humans and think expressing feelings show signs of weakness, particularly for men.
Our society conditions us to believe experiencing and showing feeling to be unsafe. This encourages suppression and repression. Either we have forgotten what we once felt or we have no knowledge of what trauma lurks in our subconscious. All this would be fine if our subconscious had no power over our everyday success. It, however, does.
Unknown to some of us our subconscious beliefs and feelings have more power than our conscious intents. Dr. Bruce Lipton, Biology of Belief, says, “The most powerful processor of information is the subconscious mind that runs 80 – 90% of our lives. I t is like an autopilot in that it can run our day-to-day life without any input from the conscious mind.”
For example, we may want to weigh less, yet we have a belief if we weigh less we will attract more partners and have to be more intimate. We may have some sense that we fear intimacy or maybe we have no sense of this. Either way we will be unable to maintain our desired weight in spite our best intentions and countless weight reduction programs. As a law of the universe, our subconscious always wins for it accepts without reservation literally what we believe and feel on an unconscious level.
Because many of our goals in life have different conscious and subconscious intents, many of us end up seldom achieving what we consciously intend. We only have to look at the constant battle people encounter with weight reduction as they bounce back and forth between weighing less and then regaining the same weight back. Thus, we experience conflict and frustration or hopeless and powerlessness over our lives. We end up feeling bad about ourselves because our subconscious mind believes it is better for us to keep our chronic pain, extra weight, bad habit or trauma rather then change.
Our subconscious sabotages any of our efforts to succeed to protect us from failure. We may fear success. We may fear being powerful. We may fear we will get hurt. We have a choice to discover our subconscious beliefs and feelings or we can continue to ignore them and continue living unfulfilled lives.
One way requires accepting whatever feeling arises in the moment rather than pushing it down. We embrace our feelings. This challenges us as we have been taught differently in most of our families. We have been taught to avoid pain because it hurts and our immediate response drives us away from pain.
I challenge you to do something different, embrace the pain. Like a child when you push them away they become more persistent, demanding attention. Look at physical pain as a cry for you to pay attention to something in your body speaking to you, crying out for change, for healing.
Choose to do something novel. Hold the pain as if holding a child in your arms and accept it as it is. Feel the pain instead of pushing it away. Yes, it hurts. Pushing the pain away, however, only buries it in our subconscious where it still affects us and gnaws away at our innards like acid eating away metal.
If we learn to hold pain without drowning in it or getting distracted, it will transform on its own without us doing anything. Like any new skill we need to practice to increase our ability. Another option is to find a healer or therapist who knows how to hold the energy of the feeling with you as you learn to eventually do it on your own.
Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now, teaches about being in the present moment. Being present with our pain means learning to stay in the now rather than the past or future. Also Eugene Gendlin, Focusing, teaches a six step method to staying present with any sensation in our body, which also includes vague feelings.
Are you ready to learn to heal your emotional pain?
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Keep up the nice work!