Although this article is written for the East Indian culture, the codependency principles apply to all cultures.
I am a white male born in Canada and now living in the United States for half of my life. I only recognized my codependent behavior 2/3’s of the way through life. Codependency had been running and ruining my life for all that time without me knowing. It took another 20 years overcoming codependent behavior.
Although I have visited India two times for spiritual development, I have little understanding of how codependent behavior affects Indian men or women. I apologize for this; however, the areas of codependency remain the same regardless of our culture. Therefore take what I say and apply it to your situation where you can. I am lead, however, to understand that some Indian men have behavior described as the “Mama’s Boy.” I will talk about that later.
I now give you a brief summary of my personal challenge with codependent behavior.
It has taken me many years of learning how to develop my inner masculine strength to stand in the truth of who I am while in relationship with women. My pattern, until my relationship with my present wife, Lyn, has been a fear of judgment and being hurt for revealing my thoughts and feelings. My fear kept me prisoner to codependency. When my partner felt good, I felt good. When she expressed unhappiness, I fell into a pit of misery. Sometimes the woman became the persecutor berating me for lack of communication and I went into feeling victimized. My mate, however, became just as victimized by the persecution of my icy unloving silence.
It has taken seeing my emotional patterns and a great deal of inner work to release these subconscious archetypes of past emotional pain. It has taken listening to my intuition; letting go of control and trusting. It has taken courage to go beyond my childhood experiences of feeling unloved and the trauma of an alcoholic father.
Codependency creates much suffering in relationships. I believe from teaching about codependency to groups for a number of years that over 90 % of American families have some degree of codependency, from mild to severe. It could be different in India; however, I am unfamiliar with any studies. The questions still are: Are you or have you been codependent? Can you recognize the behaviors of codependency in your boyfriend or husband?
As Pia Melody, Facing Codependency says, The heart and soul of codependence lies in the difficulty codependents have knowing what their feelings are and how to share them.
Pia Mellody in her book, Facing Codependency, talks about different types of boundaries – energy fields around us to keep people from coming into our personal space. People who have been abused may use walls instead of healthy boundaries, walls of fear, anger, silence, or words for a feeling of safety and they can switch from one type of wall to another to remain invulnerable. They (walls) do not allow for intimacy . . . . A wall can be appropriate, however, when a person needs protection from someone who is abusing them, says Pia.
Codependence counselor, Robert Burney says, Codependency . . . to be emotionally anorexic. Not having our emotional needs met in childhood sets us up for the behavior patterns that cause our adult emotional needs to go unmet . . . reflections of our Spiritual wound . . . that deep empty longing can only be filled spiritually, by reconnecting with our Source.
The above quotes describe the essence of codependency related to feelings, needs, and boundaries.
I will list the five main areas of codependent behavior as well as the “Mama’s Boy” concept in Codependent Behavior: Is It Running and Ruining Your Life – Part 2? This will assist you in understanding codependency recovery. http://ow.ly/5e1bU
Michael David Lawrience is a certified Residential Coach III with over 13 years’ experience teaching teen’s self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-reliance. He has over 40 years’ experience as a holistic health practitioner with a B.A in Sacred Healing and has been a certified Bowenwork Practitioner since 2005. His niche is emotional health with extensive personal experience related to codependency recovery, strengthening self-esteem, healing the inner child, stress management, and meditation which he has practiced for over 40 years.
Check out Michael’s softcover book The Secret for Freedom from Drama, Trauma, & Pain http://ow.ly/5dlS9 on Amazon for an owner’s manual describing practical methods to release your physical and emotional chronic pain, suffering, and emotional stress
© Copyright http://www.emotionalhealthtips.com
This article may be reproduced with a live link back to http://www.emotionalhealthtips.com/sedona-az-emotional-healing
