Top Dysfunctional Family Roles Affecting Self-Esteem–Part 2

March 15th, 2013

Children of dysfunctional families come to believe they are responsible for their parents’ problems. As a result they develop low self-esteem. Carl Benedict, Counselor

dysfunctional family rolesWhat types of  dysfunctional family roles occur in dysfunctional families?

What we learned from our families colors the way we feel about ourselves and our relationships.

Types Of Dysfunctional Family Roles:

  1. 1 or both parents have addictions like drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, gambling, overworking, or overeating.
  2. 1 or both parents use physical violence as a means of control. Children live in fear of outbursts.
  3. 1 or both parents exploit the children to take care of the physical or emotional needs of adults.
  4. 1 or both parents fail to provide or threaten to withdraw physical, emotional or financial support for their children.
  5. 1 or both parents exert strong authoritarian control over their children.

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Top Dysfunctional Family Roles Affecting Self-Esteem

March 6th, 2013

Michael David LawrienceWhy did we, as children, adopt dysfunctional family roles in our family?

In dysfunctional families the roles we took on tended to be unhealthy because of alcohol or drug addiction, physical or sexual abuse, or extreme aggression by a parent. We fell into these roles as a way to reduce stress and emotional pain. As a result our self-esteem – our degree of confidence in ourselves suffered.

As children, we may have believed we caused the problems. We choose our different roles to survive the best way we know how.

What role or roles did you assume in your family? We can take on different dysfunctional family roles at different times.
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How to Heal the Pain of Low Self-Esteem

October 7th, 2012

Our dependency makes slaves out of us, especially if this dependency is a dependency of our self-esteem. If you need encouragement, praise, pats on the back from everybody, then you make everybody your judge. Fritz Perls, Gestalt therapist

Check out these 6 practices to shift your dependency on others and begin to build your self-esteem. Begin to feel good about yourself. Begin your self-healing.

6 Tips to Begin to Build Your Self-Esteem

1. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

There will always be people prettier and smarter than you. How would you treat your best friend? Treat yourself even better.

I emphasize that comparing ourselves to others can come from low self-esteem… Every person you meet, every situation you encounter, challenges you to become a stronger, more loving, and confident person…. Self-esteem comes from embracing this, working with what each day brings. Judith Orloff, M.D., Author, Emotional Freedom

2. Begin Looking at Your Strengths

self-esteemList Your Positive TraitsWrite down a minimum of 10 positive traits in your journal and keeping adding to it. Practice using at least one positive trait each day.

Whatever you practice over and over develops into your attitude, abilities and qualities of your life. Author Unknown

I find the less you focus on your flaws, the better off you are. Be yourself and be glad. Michelle Pfeiffer, Actress

3. Stop Hating Your Body

Do you believe you should diet and exercise to look like the models in the glossy magazines. You weigh too much. You’re too short, you’re too tall.

Everyone has a different body. No one type is better or worse than another. Models have to be very tall and thin, few people look like that.

I have cellulite. So what?

I’ve never claimed to be perfect. It’s crazy anyone should assume that just because you’re in the spotlight, you’re flawless. Sometimes I pig out and I still feel great, and think, ‘That was so worth it!’ And don’t forget: The vast majority of women – even thin, fit ones – sport lumpy bits, so don’t let it sap your mojo. Kim Kardashian, Actress, Model, & Television personality

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7 Useful Tips Healing Emotional Abuse to a Child’s Esteem

January 24th, 2012

healing emotional abuseWhat is required for healing emotional abuse which damages children’s esteem?

Previously, I gave the 1st three tips

1. Emotional RepressionFeel and express your feelings in healthy ways.

2. Emotional ViolenceHeal your own inner child.

3. Parents Use Children to Satisfy Their Own NeedsStrengthen your self-esteem.

Emotional abuse includes verbal violence and the lack of positive emotional support. Abusers control, criticize, demean, ignore, make children less then, powerless, and victims.

So how does emotional abuse damage a child’s self-esteem?

Part 2 gives the remaining four tips for healing emotional abuse:
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7 Useful Tips Healing Emotional Abuse to a Child’s Esteem

January 16th, 2012

healing emotional abuse Emotional abuse includes verbal violence and the lack of positive emotional support. Healing emotional abuse – how do you ever heal it?

Emotional abuse includes verbal violence and the lack of positive emotional support. Abusers control, criticize, demean, ignore, make children less then, powerless, and victims.

Abuse robs children of the ability to trust, healthy psychological development, and high self-esteem. These children enter adulthood with a sense of inadequacy never feeling good enough. They fall into patterns of victim-hood and powerlessness.

Did you know physical abuse almost always involves emotional abuse?

So how does emotional abuse damage a child’s self-esteem?
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Self-Esteem: What is the Effect of Sexual Abuse on Your Inner Child?

December 12th, 2011

sexual abuseDid you know in countries around the world up to 36% of girls and 29% of boys have suffered child sexual abuse (The 57th session of the UN Commission on Human Rights 2001)? This works out to about 1 in 3 children affected by sexual abuse.

Fortunately, I never suffered sexual abuse as a boy. I, however, experienced as a result of emotional abuse some of the same feelings and beliefs which plague sexually abused children. Living with an alcoholic father for 18 years I picked up his deep anger and sadness and for most of my life believed it belonged to me. Like some sexually abused children I felt shy, socially awkward, and believed I stood on the lowest rung of the self-esteem ladder.
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Self-Esteem: Importance of Healing Our Wounded Inner Child – Part 2

November 28th, 2011

 inner childWhat is our wounded inner child? It is all the fearful, hurt, neglected, and vulnerable parts of our psyche, as a young child, which have separated from our being because of trauma or for survival. These parts never had a chance to express themselves, have a voice.

Most of us, whether we realize it, have various severed child parts at different ages from birth to less than ten years old. In addition, most of us as adults never think about having a wounded inner child. Furthermore, we usually have no idea how to heal these parts even if we wanted to.

So how do we recognize the signs our inner child needs healing?

Do you experience on a repeated basis any of the following as an adult: mistrust, shame, fear of intimacy, desire to please others, issues with authority, judgment and criticism of yourself, anger issues, or feelings of isolation? Overall, do you experience the same repeated patterns of conflict in failed relationships or repeating emotional reactions to people or events?
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Self-Esteem: Importance of Loving Yourself – Part 1

November 22nd, 2011

self-esteemFrom my experience of teaching self-esteem and recovery from codependency to teen girls for five years, more than 70 percent of American homes harbor codependent families. Thus, a codependent, dysfunctional, unhealthy family can occur as a result of members adjusting their behavior to survive in a family with an addict – someone who lacks the ability to love themselves.

Did you or someone you know grow up in a family with a parent as an addict? Understand that the addiction can involve alcohol, drugs, and physical or sexual abuse. I believe addictive behaviors result as an effort to fill a void of emptiness from the inability to love oneself.

Did you know an American Medical Association survey found 72 percent of American homes harbor someone with an addiction?
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How To Restore Self-esteem: Recovery From A Dysfunctional Family

November 14th, 2011

Dysfunctional families are the product of an emotionally dishonest, shame based, patriarchal society based upon beliefs that do not support loving self. Robert Burney

A dysHealing Addicted Brainfunctional family kills loving ourselves so out of a need for survival self-esteem suffers a major beating. Did this happen in your family or a family you know?

The following shows how I and four younger brothers and sisters survived in our family. To review the main six roles in a dysfunctional family exist of addict, caretaker, hero, clown, scapegoat, and lost child.

Read my previous article Top 6 Dysfunctional Family Roles Affecting Our Self-Esteem for more detail on the roles.

I cite my family to give you an opportunity to relate to your own family. At about the age of ten, I took on the role of Hero. In other words, I took the place of my alcoholic father, the Addict, with the unconscious intent of protecting my mother from his violence. During my teen years driven by sense of inadequacy I strived to be the best student I could be.
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6 Secrets to Rebuild Your Self-Esteem: Top 6 Dysfunctional Family Roles Affecting It

November 8th, 2011

dysfunctional family rolesWithout knowing, in our families we wanted to maintain balance of some kind. We unconsciously adopted certain dysfunctional family roles created by rules such as “don’t talk about the family problems.”

The dysfunctional family roles we took on tended to be unhealthy because of alcohol or drug addiction, physical or sexual abuse, or extreme aggression by a parent. We fell into these roles as a way to reduce stress and emotional pain. As a result our self-esteem – our degree of confidence in ourselves suffered.

As children, we may have believed we caused the problems. We choose our different roles to survive the best way we know how.

What role or roles did you assume in your family? We can take on different roles at different times.
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