EMOTIONAL HEALTH & ENERGY HEALING TIPS

Self-Interview with Michael David Lawrience, author of  The Secret for Freedom from Drama, Trauma, and Pain

Part 2

(Conducted by Michael David Lawrience)

Q: What are Some Codependency Symptoms and also Signs of Recovery?

A: In codependency, a codependent has a compulsive need to control an otherwise out of control life.  This may be true as I experienced an out of control family life because of the unpredictability of my fathers drinking and anger outbursts.  I took control by withdrawing and numbing all my feelings for I knew nothing about setting boundaries.

As an adult, my relationships involved multiple codependent behaviors of which I remained unaware. In these relationships, I avoided expressing any feelings for fear of rejection. The women in my life criticized me for lack of feeling. Their criticism confirmed doubts about me. Did I even have the capacity to love at all?

In addition, I tended to take care of my partners financial needs and I also had poor boundaries as I had no idea where my personal boundaries ended and other persons began.
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Six degrees of separation means everyone remains about six steps away, by way of introduction, from any other person on Earth. 12 degrees of separation refers to the maximum separation. Would you like to feel a closer connection to people?

I am applying this concept of 12 degrees of separation to codependent personality traits. A full blown codependent personality separates by 12 degrees maximum from their true inner self or others.

With each degree of recovery from codependency you become one degree closer to a healthy connection with your inner self and others. My experience of recovery takes months and years. Every thing now, however, accelerates much faster so your recovery may be much quicker.
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In Codependent Behavior – Part 1, http://ow.ly/5gx6W I gave you a brief summary of my personal challenge with codependent behavior.

I now list the five main areas of codependent behavior.

1. Inability to recognize our needs.

2. Lack of taking care of ourselves, fulfilling our own needs.

3. Inability to know how we feel.

4. Lack of skill or fear of expressing our feelings.

5. Poor personal boundaries. Fear of standing up and saying “No.”

I will soon talk about the behavior of some Indian men known as “Mama’s Boy. I address this in reference to Indian women and how they might better handle it to achieve better emotional health for themselves. This understanding of men’s behavior, however, can assist women of any culture.
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Although this article is written for the East Indian culture, the codependency principles apply to all cultures.

I am a white male born in Canada and now living in the United States for half of my life. I only recognized my codependent behavior 2/3’s of the way through life. Codependency had been running and ruining my life for all that time without me knowing. It took another 20 years overcoming codependent behavior.

Although I have visited India two times for spiritual development, I have little understanding of how codependent behavior affects Indian men or women. I apologize for this; however, the areas of codependency remain the same regardless of our culture. Therefore take what I say and apply it to your situation where you can. I am lead, however, to understand that some Indian men have behavior described as the “Mama’s Boy.” I will talk about that later.

I now give you a brief summary of my personal challenge with codependent behavior.
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Codependency Recovery

I believed I developed codependent behaviors to cope with my fathers drinking, which resulted in constant fighting between my father and mother for twenty years until they divorced. I never felt safe to express my thoughts and feelings so I retreated inward and became invisible, the lost child. I wore a stoic stone face as a mask as if I were okay. My heart also became as numb as a stone.

It has been said a codependent has a compulsive need to control an otherwise out of control life. This may be true as I experienced an out of control family life because of the unpredictability of my father’s drinking and anger outbursts. I took control by withdrawing and numbing all my feelings. I hid my thoughts even from my mother who assumed I was okay because I never expressed anything.
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Codependent No More

It’s often obvious that a needy, demanding woman who clings to a man has codependent tendencies. However, a relationship consists of two people, and HE is no less responsible.  In fact, his behavior can also be labeled “codependent.”  Two people who have codependent tendencies may act in opposite ways: While one is needy and drains her partner, the other may have a enlarged sense of responsibility to his partner, and is overly sensitive to her needs and demands.

In fact, people with opposing codependent styles tend to attract each other. These opposing psychological profiles have been termed “takers” and “caretakers.”

Codependent relationships are complicated, and they’re often characterized by manipulation, lack of boundaries, repressed emotions, emotional volatility, jealousy issues, verbal abuse, etc..  Both partners tend to have complicated back-stories, which often serve to justify abnormal behavior.  If you’re a man feeling stuck in a codependent relationship, realize that your happiness is worth the effort it takes to move on.

First, take a look at this list, which identify just some of the signs to look for:
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