Men Stopping Violence: Communicate With Your Daughters & Women Part 5

January 16th, 2015

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. Stephen R. Covey, author The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

When a teenage girl or a woman has been validated (listened to actively) over and over again over a period of years, I believe she will be less vulnerable and subject to physical, emotional and mental violence and violation. She will be less likely to enter into or stay in abusive relationships because of her higher self-esteem; the gift you as a father or man have given her from your caring and love to keep her safe and secure.

Men Stopping Violence

men stopping violenceDo you, like most men, seek to be understood rather than understand your daughters and women?

What training do you have that enables you to really listen and understand another person?

Like most of us you probably have little or no communication training. You want to stress your point. Did you know 80% of communication lies in nonverbal cues, 15% in tone, and only 5% lies in the actual words? Do you focus only on the words and miss the meaning completely?

Do you listen with the intent on what you will say back? Do you filter everything you hear though your own life experiences and want to share them? For example, I had a similar thing happen to me.
(more…)

(288)

Men Stopping Violence: Communicate With Your Daughters & Women Part 4

January 15th, 2015

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. Stephen R. Covey, author The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

When a teenage girl or a woman has been validated (listened to actively) over and over again over a period of years, I believe she will be less vulnerable and subject to physical, emotional and mental violence and violation. She will be less likely to enter into or stay in abusive relationships because of her higher self-esteem; the gift you as a father or man have given her from your caring and love to keep her safe and secure.

Men Stopping Violence

men stopping violenceMen How Do You Learn to Listen to Validate?

Men stopping violence: Do you, like most men, seek to be understood rather than understand your daughters and women?

What training do you have that enables you to really listen and understand another person?

Like most of us you probably have little or no communication training. You want to stress your point. Did you know 80% of communication lies in nonverbal cues, 15% in tone, and only 5% lies in the actual words? Do you focus only on the words and miss the meaning completely?

Do you listen with the intent on what you will say back? Do you filter everything you hear though your own life experiences and want to share them? For example, I had a similar thing happen to me.

First remember 80% of communication lies in nonverbal body language. Listen and observe nonverbal cues. Use your intuition or inner knowing and go deeper beyond the words. What do you sense that may be unexpressed that even your daughter has no awareness? Perhaps it is pain, confusion, conflict.

Become aware of wanting to agree, disagree, interrogate, fix the problem or talk about your own experiences. Stop! These types of habitual responses shut down communication. It takes time to change and form a new habit. Now instead of being the fixer or interrogator keep listening and accept whatever your daughter says.

Know your sole purpose lies in your daughter feeling like you really hear her. Look for or sense the nonverbal cues. Perhaps you see a body shudder or a tear. For example, you sense hurt. You could respond by saying, I see what your boyfriend did really hurt you. This type of response validates.
(more…)

(199)