November 28th, 2011 November 22nd, 2011
What is our wounded inner child? It is all the fearful, hurt, neglected, and vulnerable parts of our psyche, as a young child, which have separated from our being because of trauma or for survival. These parts never had a chance to express themselves, have a voice.
Most of us, whether we realize it, have various severed child parts at different ages from birth to less than ten years old. In addition, most of us as adults never think about having a wounded inner child. Furthermore, we usually have no idea how to heal these parts even if we wanted to.
So how do we recognize the signs our inner child needs healing?
Do you experience on a repeated basis any of the following as an adult: mistrust, shame, fear of intimacy, desire to please others, issues with authority, judgment and criticism of yourself, anger issues, or feelings of isolation? Overall, do you experience the same repeated patterns of conflict in failed relationships or repeating emotional reactions to people or events?
November 14th, 2011
From my experience of teaching self-esteem and recovery from codependency to teen girls for five years, more than 70 percent of American homes harbor codependent families. Thus, a codependent, dysfunctional, unhealthy family can occur as a result of members adjusting their behavior to survive in a family with an addict – someone who lacks the ability to love themselves.
Did you or someone you know grow up in a family with a parent as an addict? Understand that the addiction can involve alcohol, drugs, and physical or sexual abuse. I believe addictive behaviors result as an effort to fill a void of emptiness from the inability to love oneself.
Did you know an American Medical Association survey found 72 percent of American homes harbor someone with an addiction?
November 8th, 2011
Dysfunctional families are the product of an emotionally dishonest, shame based, patriarchal society based upon beliefs that do not support loving self. Robert Burney
A dysfunctional family kills loving ourselves so out of a need for survival self-esteem suffers a major beating. Did this happen in your family or a family you know?
The following shows how I and four younger brothers and sisters survived in our family. To review the main six roles in a dysfunctional family exist of addict, caretaker, hero, clown, scapegoat, and lost child.
Read my previous article Top 6 Dysfunctional Family Roles Affecting Our Self-Esteem for more detail on the roles.
I cite my family to give you an opportunity to relate to your own family. At about the age of ten, I took on the role of Hero. In other words, I took the place of my alcoholic father, the Addict, with the unconscious intent of protecting my mother from his violence. During my teen years driven by sense of inadequacy I strived to be the best student I could be.
Without knowing, in our families we wanted to maintain balance of some kind. We unconsciously adopted certain dysfunctional family roles created by rules such as “don’t talk about the family problems.”
The dysfunctional family roles we took on tended to be unhealthy because of alcohol or drug addiction, physical or sexual abuse, or extreme aggression by a parent. We fell into these roles as a way to reduce stress and emotional pain. As a result our self-esteem – our degree of confidence in ourselves suffered.
As children, we may have believed we caused the problems. We choose our different roles to survive the best way we know how.
What role or roles did you assume in your family? We can take on different roles at different times.