September 2nd, 2010 September 2nd, 2010
What are Some Codependency Symptoms?
In codependency, a codependent has a compulsive need to control an otherwise out of control life. This may be true as I experienced an out of control family life because of the unpredictability of my fathers drinking and anger outbursts. I took control by withdrawing and numbing all my feelings for I knew nothing about setting boundaries.
As an adult, my relationships involved multiple codependent behaviors of which I remained unaware. In these relationships, I avoided expressing any feelings for fear of rejection. The women in my life criticized me for lack of feeling. Their criticism confirmed doubts about me. Did I even have the capacity to love at all?
In addition, I tended to take care of my partners financial needs and I also had poor boundaries as I had no idea where my personal boundaries ended and other persons began.
September 2nd, 2010
Self-Interview with Michael David Lawrience, author of The Secret for Freedom from Drama, Trauma, and Pain
(Conducted by Michael David Lawrience)
Q: Do You Want to Continue to Emotionally Self-Abuse Yourself with Negative Self-Talk?
A: Most of us have a nonstop flow of chatter going on in our heads all of the time, except when we sleep. This is all we know so we accept it as normal thinking nothing about it. This chatter would be fine except it consists of many negative thoughts about us. We believe these 100 % without any questions. These thoughts have been with us for most of our lives, even as young children or teenagers. This is our critical self-talk.
I believed at the age of 12 to be “the lowest man on the totem pole.” In other words, I felt such low self-esteem I considered everyone else in school better than me. Some reasons may have been my family was poor, my father was a drunk, I wore second hand clothes, and I believed I had less than average intelligence. This critical self-talk ran through my head or at least in the background during my days at school all the way to high school graduation.
September 2nd, 2010
Q:How Do You Heal Your Emotional Pain?
A: In our Western society, we have been brought up to avoid our feelings. Feelings mean emotional pain. I even see women, who tend to be more in touch with their feelings, habitually push them away when they arise.
We feel vulnerable among other humans and think expressing feelings or our emotional pain shows signs of weakness, particularly for men.
Our society conditions us to believe experiencing and showing feeling to be unsafe. This encourages suppression and repression. Either we have forgotten what we once felt or we have no knowledge of what trauma lurks in our subconscious. All this would be fine if our subconscious had no power over our everyday success. It, however, does.
Unknown to some of us our subconscious beliefs and feelings have more power than our conscious intents. Dr. Bruce Lipton, Biology of Belief, says, “The most powerful processor of information is the subconscious mind that runs 80 – 90% of our lives. I t is like an autopilot in that it can run our day-to-day life without any input from the conscious mind.”
For example, we may want to weigh less, yet we have a belief if we weigh less we will attract more partners and have to be more intimate. We may have some sense that we fear intimacy or maybe we have no sense of this. Either way we will be unable to maintain our desired weight in spite our best intentions and countless weight reduction programs. As a law of the universe, our subconscious always wins for it accepts without reservation literally what we believe and feel on an unconscious level.
The Wounded Inner Child, Does it Run Our Lives
Like most of you I had no idea I had an wounded inner child until in my early 40’s motivated by a series of unhappy relationships, I gained an interest in my inner child and the possibility of healing him.
I grew up as an invisible lost child in a family with an alcoholic father. So I repeated the same trauma in my intimate relationships whenever I felt threatened, I retreated into my self without ever expressing my feelings. Some of my partners did the same.
My wounded inner child remained unknown to me until my partner at the time told me she had a therapist who worked with healing her inner child. This and most of all the pain of being unable to express my feelings or needs in relationships motivated me to contact this child. I started by reading John Bradshaw’s, Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child.