March 30th, 2010 March 29th, 2010
Our inner child contains all our positive and negative emotional patterns. He or she lives in our psyche as the little child we once were. He or she carries the wounds of past trauma. A clue that our inner child runs our lives emerges in the patterns of drama and trauma, which keep reappearing repeatedly in our adult lives. Another clue shows itself if we keep retelling the same story of suffering to others.
My inner child carries the wounds from growing up with an emotionally distant father addicted to alcohol. Yet, I am grateful for him allowing me, at the age of ten, to play for two summers with my younger brother. We played fantasy cowboy games amongst the groves of maple trees.
As a man, I never related to my inner child. In fact, I knew nothing about having an inner child. In addition, when I studied psychology at college no one mentioned the inner child at the time.
March 26th, 2010
I believed I developed codependency behaviors to cope with my fathers drinking, which resulted in constant fighting between my father and mother for twenty years until they divorced. I never felt safe to express my thoughts and feelings so I retreated inward and became invisible, the lost child. I wore a stoic stone face as a mask as if I were okay. My heart also became as numb as a stone.
It has been said that a persona with codependency has a compulsive need to control an otherwise out of control life. This may be true as I experienced an out of control family life because of the unpredictability of my father’s drinking and anger outbursts. I took control by withdrawing and numbing all my feelings. I hid my thoughts even from my mother who assumed I was okay because I never expressed anything.
March 22nd, 2010
How do we develop positive self-talk?
Most of us have a nonstop flow of chatter going on in our heads all of the time, rather than positive self-talk. This is all we know so we accept it as normal thinking nothing about it.
This chatter would be fine except it consists of many negative thoughts about us. We believe these 100 % without any questions. These thoughts have been with us for most of our lives, even as young children or teenagers. This is our negative self-talk.
I believed at the age of 12 to be “the lowest man on the totem pole.” In other words, I felt such low self-esteem I considered everyone else in school better than me. Some reasons may have been my family was poor, my father was a drunk, I wore second hand clothes, and I believed I had less than average intelligence. This thought ran through my head or at least in the background during my days at school all the way to high school graduation.
No one ever told me I could change my critical thoughts into positive self-talk. Only looking back now do I see the main critical thought patterns, which persisted for a majority of my life. I had no knowledge of the tools to recognize and change thoughts which I now teach teenagers in self-esteem groups.
March 2nd, 2010
Why do we avoid our feelings? In our Western society, we have been brought up to ignore our feelings and emotional pain. Feelings mean emotional pain. I even see women, who tend to be more in touch with their feelings; habitually push them away when feelings arise in many situations. We feel vulnerable among other humans and think expressing emotional pain or feelings show signs of weakness, particularly for men.
Our society conditions us to believe experiencing and showing feelings and emotional pain as unsafe.This encourages suppression and repression. Either we have forgotten what we once felt or we have no knowledge of what trauma lurks in our subconscious. All this would be fine if our subconscious had no power over our everyday success. It, however, does.
Unknown to some of us our subconscious beliefs and feelings have more power than our conscious intents. Dr. Bruce Lipton, Biology of Belief, says, The most powerful processor of information is the subconscious mind that runs 80 – 90% of our lives. It is like an autopilot in that it can run our day-to-day life without any input from the conscious mind. For example, we may want to weigh less, yet we have a belief if we weigh less we will attract more partners and have to be more intimate. We may have some sense that we fear intimacy or maybe we have no sense of this. Either way we will be unable to reduce our weight in spite our best intentions and countless weight reduction programs.
Have you experienced trauma, upsetting emotions or overwhelming stress? What can you do for stress relief?
Do you feel disconnected from people or emotionally numb a lot?
The following 7 tips outline the main areas for beginning healing, recovery and stress relief from the emotional stress in your life.
7 Stress Relief Secrets
1.) EMBRACE YOUR FEELINGS
Rather than avoiding and pushing feelings away learn to hold and contain, like holding a baby in your arms, whatever pain you feel.
Be present with the sensations in your body without doing anything. Overtime the feelings will transform, without any effort, granting you stress relief.
See Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now.
2.) EXAMINE YOUR CRITICAL SELF-TALK
Become consciousness of the negative things you say about yourself in your head, over and over.
Become aware of the related events, feelings, the critical self-talk.
Start reprogramming your subconscious mind with positive self-talk and experience stress relief.
See Carolyn Ball, Claiming Your Self-Esteem.